I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
