...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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