Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
