Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Randomize
