I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
