what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
