I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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