Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
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