I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Boobs speak an international language.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
