I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
