Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
