it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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