Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
