I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Is it penis luge time yet?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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