Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
