Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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