just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
