She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
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