I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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