i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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