it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
