i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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