moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
