I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
