last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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