I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
