Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Randomize
