I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
