Sry I called you an 8
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
