everyone is single if you try hard enough
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
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