remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
