You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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