the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
he thought i was a dude.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
