when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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