Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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