I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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