omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
