You really coming over, don't trick.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
