hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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