He is like the real live version of the state fair..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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