I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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