No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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