Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
