go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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