I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
