Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
