I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
