Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
