Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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