Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
