five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
